HUSBAND ON SIMMER,

I would love suggestions on how to interest my husband more in foreplay and sex. He has quite a low drive and I have a high drive. Although being a female, my overall desire is for intimacy emotionally not just sex physically. But if one is lacking the other is usually lacking also. I have tried many different ways of peaking interest - all ways that are suggested for men, but none get a huge reaction. These include writing my own erotica, suggesting we read it together, straight out telling him I want sex, straddling and attempting to come onto him, dressing up, boudoir photos, etc. I would love to know some of your suggestions that are practical with two young children in the home?

Thanks, BOILING

Dear BOILING,

You are not alone in this, as quite frequently spouses are not at the same temperature settings. My stovetop is on simmer too, though my husband is always boiling water dry.

Is it possible your husband is more of a romantic, needing date night, dancing, and other preludes to intimacy?

Or is it possible that his meds or low testosterone are interfering with his drive? Many blood pressure and cardiovascular drugs or even just being overweight interfere with erectile function and that can really reduce a man's drive. Low testosterone can be easily handled with Androgel or other topical testosterone, and weight and cardiovascular disease handled with exercise and substantially reducing all meat and dairy in the diet.

Find out from HIM what his triggers are and try to meet those needs. If he's not forthcoming, keep on trying to at least initiate intimate moments, like Sundays mornings in bed, date nights, and the like. It's not easy with small children in the house, but we always had a VERY early bedtime (7:30) initiated by the alarm clock, which would at least give us a couple of hours alone in the evening, and if you turn off the TV something is bound to come of it.

That's just my opinion. Annie